Missing You

Authors Note : Sometimes I wonder if my real dad, thinks I wonder how Klaire is doing? Or even I should call her up and ask how she’s doing. I mean does he even think of me as his daughter anymore?  I’m happy I’m out of his life but , what does he think of this situation? I wrote this poem for every girl that has had anything go wrong with family . Lost a parent ,someone near you; even a pet. This is as true as the sky being blue.

I miss the way you tucked me in when you got home from work.

I miss your mustache brushing against the top of my lip when you kissed me goodbye

But one thing I will never forget is you locking me in my room , for those long winter nights

Listening to me screaming for you to let me out

Not letting me call my mom , when I needed her the most

I hope that one day you can feel how I felt back then

When you love something or someone

But they walk out the front door ignoring you while you scream for them to come back

Cry yourself to sleep every night , wake up from nightmares with tears streaming down your face

Not being able to express your feeling for so long ; hold it all in , I dare you.

Hey have you had someone tell you they loved you and walked out?

No? I didn’t think so. That’s because I’m living with you, saying this to me

Over and Over again , On repeat In my brain

I find it hilarious that you can sit there and tell me you never meant to hurt me

You didn’t hurt me , you just ripped my heart in two .

But did I really deserve that?

Just keep laughing while I try and hide the fact my smile is fake

Every time your words have left your mouth , you never thought of how they would affect me

But guess what , you will never get inside my heart again

Now look who’s laughing

The best part is that you even left your own mother and father alone

Leaving me to be the only one to catch them from falling through the cracks

Until one day when you come prancing back in , stealing them from me too!

Have you done enough?

No , you decide that you are going to bring my step dad that has cared for me more than you ever did.

Into the mess you made

Not to mention my mom and sisters that don’t know any better than to comfort me when I cry over you

Try to be the only one with the last name Ledger in your family out of  5 Nerdahls.

You will never be allowed ,back in my life so don’t try

You will never talk to me again so I hope what you said made you feel good

You will never talk to my family again , don’t try or I promise to make your family split in a second

Turn around

Walk away

Say you love me one more time and don’t mean it

Hear my 4 year old scream for you to come back one more time

But don’t look back , because we all know you’re making a mistake

Oh and never will you have your family call me again its hard enough to let you slip out of my life

As much as I’d love to list everything you did to me

I have much more important things to do so

See Yah Later Gator

Remember that?

Our little saying that was only meant for us and only us to say

Not for you to pass on to your kids with the lady you call your wife

Do you even have any Idea what she put me through physically?

What about dragging me to my room by my ears

Screaming in my face , horrible things

I would just try and stay strong for the time given and say I will get out of here someday

But I guess staying strong doesn’t always work  

I still think about you , for sure

Do you think of me ?

Do you even still love me?

Will I ever even see you again?

Probably not am I ok with that?

Yes

The last time I saw you was in the 3^rd grade , in that courtroom

Me wanting to just be free from whatever game you are playing

You tried to talk to me but failed , miserably

Like they say

I don’t cry because I’m weak

I cry because I’ve been strong for to long

I want so badly for

You

Grandpa

Grandma

Aunts and Uncles

                                                                     Even my cousins

To feel the pain that I felt

To feel your heart being ripped out of your chest

To not be able to get anything straight in your head

To be scared that you will be taken from your home by a stranger , who is really your dad

My tears will fall freely when I change my last name

Happiness

Sadness

Pure joy will be made out of those tears

You will finally be out of my head ; thoughts

People keep complaining about their lives

When they have no idea what I have been through and dealt with

I wasn’t even told , when my great grandma died

I was forced to look all of you up on facebook

Imagine being me and finding that out for myself

Just tell me everything is fine

All I need is a hug

All I need are your hugs

All I needed was you being around

But then again , I don’t always get what I want

Looking out the window is even hard for me

Everything I see reminds me of you

You don’t care

I was in a play

I actually had a good part for once

You would’ve been so proud of me

But you weren’t there

I believe in second chances

But lately when I get mad 

I can’t take it out

Until one day my blood boils over

And I scream and cry over everything

People have began thinking that I’m crazy

All because of you

But I’m happy , you feel good about yourself

I’m happy you feel strong enough to stand your ground

As you watch my tears hit the ground

Come out of hiding

Show me who  you really are

Show me how much you actually care

Wrap me in your arms

Hold me tight

Sing “You are my sunshine”

In my ears.

Be there to beat up

All of those boys who will break my heart

Because , we all know that will happen

You would be here for me if you knew what was right

For you

But I guess you don’t

One day you will figure this out

You will come to me

Tell me your sorry you walked away

But until then I will wait